28 Saturday Apr 2012
26 Thursday Apr 2012
Before we move on past Anzac Day, I should teach you all the proper way of eating a Tim Tam. If you’re not familiar with Aussie confections, you may not have come across these lightly wafered choc dipped biccies. (* Aussies do not use the word ‘cookies’. That is American). The Tim Tam is Aussie as, and there is a right and a wrong way to eat one. Let the lesson begin…
Take the Tim Tam in your hands and nibble off one corner. Turn said Tim Tam around and nibble on the diagonal corner. This turns the Tim Tam into a straw – its MAGIC.
Pour yourself a glass of your favourite beverage – scotch, rum, kahlua, baileys…anything you think would go nicely with the choccie flavour of the biccie. Please note, tea and coffee are for advanced students only!
Lower biccie into drink – trick for young players is to tip the glass slightly – without spilling – obviously. SUCK until the smooth liquid is drawn up through the chocolately goodness and becomes mush from the inside out. ** NB: tea and coffee melt the little sucker quicker than you think. One second you’ll be holding a Tim Tam, the next it’s molten lava.
Enjoy.
25 Wednesday Apr 2012
This is my favourite photo from when I was in Gallipoli in 1997.
A bus full of Aussie and Kiwis poured out at each memorial site within the National Park. We didn’t have a guide to go around the 10 or so sites we endeavoured to get to – but then we didn’t really need a guide. We all grew up with the stories of these places. On the bus was the time to share with each other what we’d learned from childhood onwards about places called The Nek, Lone Pine, and Shrapnel Valley.
Once the bus stopped, there was no talking. Everyone scattered. Lots stood quietly, walking the tracks in silence. We tidied the graves as we went – picking out weeds, chipping of bird droppings, using our drinking bottles to water the plants that other visitors had planted previously. At two stops we searched for the grave stones of family.
One of our first stops was Anzac Cove. It was such a beautiful day. The sun shining, birds were chirping. The only thing missing was a bunch of kids skylarking in the water. You could have heard a pin drop, until Scotty started playing the “kiwi lament” on his harmonica. Awesome. Haunting. Extraordinarily touching.
We were running out of time as there’s a curfew on the Park access. We voted to skip a few places so we could make it up to Chanuk Bair – the New Zealand memorial. It’s a stunning memorial. It is also one of the few that still has maintained trenches at the site. The sun was starting to set so we had to go. This is when the boys in particular didn’t want to leave. A lot of bartering and maneuvering was attempted with the bus driver to come back in the morning and pick up those who wanted to sleep rough on the hill. No go. Such a wrench to leave – no one was ready to go.
Lest we forget.
22 Sunday Apr 2012
18 Wednesday Apr 2012
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I spent a lovely evening celebrating a significant milestone for a family member. It’s really enjoyable to see the wonderful people someone you know has gathered into their circle. The conversation was cheerful and fun, with everyone there for the same reason – to celebrate a great person’s time with us all. We all know about the ups and the downs – but the room was full of those grateful to have shared it all.
I’m atrocious with small talk – I’m a little awkward and shy. It takes me a while to read the room and pitch “me” accordingly. I’m always surprised, and very grateful, for a table full of strangers who are sooooo easy to talk to. No-one really knew each other, but to figure out how we all fit the jigsaw of the birthday boys’ life was hilarious.
It’s been a while since I’ve been genuinely shocked at how late the time was when we had to start thinking about leaving… That’s a testament in itself.
15 Sunday Apr 2012
I like a fair fight. Nothing below the belt. No name calling. And leave our mothers out of it. But, if I gotta fight, I’ll fight.
Nothing pushes my buttons more than having my opinion dismissed as irrelevant. Every person knows when they are being put down. It is a deliberate and cowardly move and there is nothing innocent about it. (NB: if you do this and claim you didn’t mean to start the argument and it is the other person’s fault for misunderstanding you – you’re lying to yourself). It’s the worst kind of dirty fighting. We all know what’s going on.
That’s the bit that gets me. My reactions aren’t a sideshow amusement for you intellectual giants. They are real. And if you’re that friggin condescending that you have to belittle me into backing down so you don’t lose – then you already have.
12 Thursday Apr 2012
I get it, I get it. Bad sleep, teeth grinding, migraines starting, sinus blocked, bruises I don’t remember getting… and I’m still trying to battle through. I do get it. STOP. Time to stop. Say no to as much as I can. Pull back on the efforts and do the minimum to keep my time and energy for me. Sleep, read, sleep, sit. Sounds like heaven, don’t it?
12 Thursday Apr 2012
My usual trick around my birthday is to beat myself up a bit about where I am, what I’ve achieved and to generally make myself sick with a migraine because I’m not a good enough me. Fuck that. This year, I’m on strike. Imma gonna enjoy the flowers and have a drink. Cheers.
12 Thursday Apr 2012
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These little eggs are on the endangered list. They might live to see another day or two – maybe even a week – but their number has been called and I will have satisfaction!
10 Tuesday Apr 2012
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Is there an age at which you stop fluctuating between happy and sad? Does the pendulum swing with less umph as you get older? The times I feel happiest (or at least quietly accept the moments of low) are when I don’t care about how I feel. Weird, huh.
At what point do you not doubt yourself? I always figured that would be when I was grown up, but the doubts are still there. The fleeting grasp I seem to have on a reliable resilience has me stuffed. I’m strong. I’m educated. I have moved countries. I have travelled alone. I have walked away from jobs that others called a “career”. I’m clear about what I will and won’t put up with, so where’s the fear coming from exactly?
At this point, I can at least note when it’s happening. I have this weird out of body conversation with self thing happening. I know I’m feeling like I want to walk away, but I stand there and stay in the moment a bit longer to see what happens…which is nothing. No tragedy. No drama. Nothing bad really – it’s all in my head. A weird work in progress. I am my own wacky experiment, I’m just not sure if I’m Jeckyll or Hyde.
10 Tuesday Apr 2012
09 Monday Apr 2012
It’s weird how all the imagery for the “big” Christian holidays are from the northern hemisphere. Easter – rebirth, spring, etc – when we’re heading into winter and hibernation. I reckon we time the chocolate fest best though – get a good head start on the winter spread and whack on a lump of lard before it even starts cooling down. It’s still 30 degrees celcius outside, but the chocolate is cool as I like it best out of the freezer. Anyway, happy easter to you. I hope you caught up with family and friends, warmed through a few hot cross buns and had a nice cuppa with a choccie for afters. Our family has a big fry up breakfast and then roast for lunch (a late one thankfully). Too much food, way too much. But lovely to see everyone anyway.
09 Monday Apr 2012
06 Friday Apr 2012
Last night I got hooked into watching The Queen with Helen Mirren playing Her Majesty. I’ve never watched it before, and missed a bit of the start, but it brought back a lot of memories. The day of the election of 1997 was my first day in England. The 2 May I went to the front of Buck House to see the changing of the guards (as you do) and both John Major and Tony Blair presented themselves to the Queen. One to get his golden handshake and the other to be invited to take on the job.
I was in London when Diana died. I slept on the Mall the night before her funeral. There didn’t seem to be any other place to be, really. I remember talking to so many Welsh people who’d driven down to pay their respects. Lovely people, saddened they’d lost a woman they’d claimed as theirs. It’s the ‘being claimed’ that was their reason for why they mourned so openly in public. The People’s Princess.
I remember debating whether it was appropriate to photograph the funeral procession. I rarely go anywhere without my camera. I’d taken photos of the flowers at Kensington Palace, Buck House, and Westminster Abbey. I wasn’t sure the procession of the casket was something I should be snapping at, more I should stop and bow my head and focus on prayer. I had an interesting discussion with an Irishman about it. He thought I was nuts to be troubled about it – said ‘this is history’. I’m still not sure to this day, but I did take photos. I feel like I invaded the family’s privacy – even though it was there for all to see. Such sadness, such stoic propriety, such an intense atmosphere.
I remember the comments about the family not coming down, the media full of poisonous judgement. But the Princes did come – Andrew and Edward. They walked up to Buck House and were mobbed with people thanking them for being there. Thanking them for being with the British people. Extraordinary times.
06 Friday Apr 2012
Well, not such a big brain, or that tiny a heart. But I fear a slip, an error, a mistake, a fall. I know they hurt. I don’t want the humiliation of people laughing at me. I know that the bruises will come. And bruises remind me of the fall, the humiliation, the ugliness and the hurt. And really, who wants that?
02 Monday Apr 2012
02 Monday Apr 2012
31 Saturday Mar 2012
29 Thursday Mar 2012
Posted in musings
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Just for shits and giggles today two, count ’em – TWO, different multifunction devices didn’t function at all. In fact, they reverse functioned – twice each before I walked away in disgust.
Also buggering up today was a small printer (jam) and a blInking flouro.
Two liquid soap dispensers in the work bathroom ran out. Today.
The work dishwasher was run half empty then some dolt put their grubby plate in with the just clean dishes, spilling food everywhere. And I had to pick up the food from behind the bin, cos a hole in the bench over the top of the bin is a bit hard to aim through. Shitheads.
I have multiple papercuts from recycling printed paper into small notebooks and bruised my hand when the binder combs flicked me.
Today was not my day!
26 Monday Mar 2012
Wow. Interesting day. Woke up with one intent – having agonized about the ins and outs of everything over the weekend. But when the time came, I stayed silent and held fire.
I have no idea why. I know I’m cautious by nature – overly so. I don’t start a recipe until I have all the ingredients ticked off and measured out. I don’t start a puzzle if I can’t see all the pieces. I hedged today. I can kid myself that it’s to wait and see, but I think it’s more that I’m scared of making the wrong decision.
That’s been happening a lot lately – being uncertain. I’m terrified of getting myself trapped.
I’ll have to give more thought to figuring this one out.
24 Saturday Mar 2012
Well that is quite some outcome. Today, the Queensland Labor Party has been annihilated.
I love election days. I don’t like the campaigning, the speeches, the debates (if they happen) or the gazillion media opportunities splashed in front of me. I don’t trust them.
But I like voting. I like having my say. For my reasons that I don’t have to tell anyone, but I believe are reasonable and honest for me.
That’s what women handcuffed themselves to gates and got arrested for. That’s what they marched and picketed for. So that my voice would be heard as an equal one amongst the many. A lot of countries don’t let women vote. I am fortunate – and ever mindful and grateful for living in a country that does value my voice.
23 Friday Mar 2012
Posted in musings
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23 Friday Mar 2012
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Is this how the UN feels? One last effort to broker a ceasefire.
23 Friday Mar 2012
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A lot is written about that our bodies reflect physically what’s going on in our head. I agree wholeheartedly. When there are a lot of things to think through and sort out, my sleep is ruined. I wake up with headaches from grinding my teeth and its no fun to start your day with a headache.
23 Friday Mar 2012
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I’m starting to question the current reality, why I’m in the middle, what am I expected to do when no-one else is, how to fix things and whether I can fix it at all.
19 Monday Mar 2012
Monday is a hard day for me. If you’re like me, you’ve spent a bit of your weekend planning the to do list for the week. And if you’re like me, your list is a loooonnnnngggggg one – too long.
So come Monday morning, I hit the ground running. My self talk is all “I’ll do this first, then on the way to do this thing, I’ll pick up that thing and drop off two other things, and then I’ll get to work to start my 8hr day of to do things there”… No wonder I fall in a heap by mid afternoon!
Just to make things super interesting – and ramp up the difficulty by a factor of 2.5 – throughout, I chide myself that I’m not quick enough, finishing enough, creating enough, impressing enough. And because I’ve spent the day berating me, I go home – late – as a failure.
How did I get this screwed up? Maybe a realistic plan to move towards my goals (whilst still helping everyone else with there’s)? No?
Monday’s should become my ease-in day, my take my time day, my baby steps day. And not just a hell day to get through to the other side.
08 Thursday Mar 2012
wedgetail eagle
I haven’t seen any wedgetail eagles around here for a few years. I believe they develop several nesting sites and rotate around them over their lives. Usually, we’ll see them in flight, waaaaay up high circling – but today was a lovely “welcome to country” from the couple.
As I drove in, over one grid, hang a right, through the boggy patch and straight on over the gravelly bit. The track veers right and down/up a couple-a hills before the last chicane down to the house.
And there they were. Sitting low on a tree’s branches – maybe they’d just fed? Unless you’ve seen them, you have no idea how friggin HUGE they are. And beautiful, just beautiful.
I turned off the engine, grabbed the camera and walked up slowly. The lady moved off to a tree further away and the man followed. They were not concerned, but sat on the far side of the next tree trunk so they could play hidey –go-seek with me.
I took it slow but knew they’d move again. Girl first, boy second. Big wings beating, but not going up at all. They flew at level over to another copse of trees. I blew my camera battery entirely – and then when unpacking – realized I’ve forgotten my charger! Typical. One battery to last a week. This will be tricky – but I’ll go for a walk up to the old nest to see if they are any signs of recent renovations. Wish me luck.
04 Sunday Mar 2012
The challenge – should I choose to accept it (and I do) – is to maintain the rage against self-absorbed crazy-makers, energy sappers, suited wankers, ditzy dipsticks, drama queens and lazy bastards.
My life, my balance, my wants, my will.
I WILL win.
04 Sunday Mar 2012
What an absolute shit of a day. For some inexplicable reason, there’s a lot of tension in the air, ‘cos everyone around me is sounding off, arcing up, pointing fingers and NOT LISTENING to each other. If they could all just shut up for 5 seconds, and think about why the person they are arguing at is saying what they’re saying, and not keep repeating what they think as if it’s not being understood, then my life would be much easier.
I hate conflict. I can talk a good fight but that doesn’t mean I like them. I don’t like hearing harsh words, I actually physically flinch when it’s around me. My body language never lies. It makes me sad to see people choose sides and not give the benefit of the doubt to each other. Prejudgement and holier than thou certainty by people who don’t actually know the facts gives me the complete irits. Who the hell do they think they are anyway?
Three different adults today have disappointed me…and I won’t forget it, but I’m going to work very hard on letting this nonsense wash over and around me. Not through me. My nerves can’t take.
25 Saturday Feb 2012
Is it too much to ask for real estate agents to update their online listings? Is it? I went to 7 open houses today – 2 of them were already Under Contract – but no element of the listing advised that. I could have gone to other houses I’d actually have a chance at buying at these times instead. To add insult to injury, one house I drove past for a stickybeak on the way to another had a SOLD sign up. FFS!
25 Saturday Feb 2012
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Fire up, Cupcake!
19 Sunday Feb 2012
18 Saturday Feb 2012
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Art. Writing. Website. Music. Home. Work. Health. Cooking. Painting. Travel. Song. Craft.
16 Thursday Feb 2012
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It’s all for a good cause…no, really. It is! 🙂
12 Sunday Feb 2012
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STRESS FULL day today. God almighty. Shakes. Headaches. Crying. Pale. Fer-eeeeeek-ing out.
I had somehow committed myself to something that wasn’t right for me. I was maneuvered a little, lead a little, and definitely put on the spot to decide quickly. And boy, wasn’t my body telling me so! I was freaking out about how to put the brakes on, but nicely, you know? ‘cos you gotta not hurt anyone.
In the past I would’ve hurt me to not hurt others. Not anymore. I get the whole ‘don’t go to bed angry’ thing. There’s no way I could’ve slept! So to be able to deal with things – no matter how unpleasant, was such a relief – a massive relief to get out of that one. I know I pissed some people off. But I slept til 10am. It was the right decision in the end. And I can learn to live with people not liking me.
07 Tuesday Feb 2012
Sometimes I surprise myself. I am the most UN-pink, UN-girly-girl, UN-glittery woman you will ever meet. So when I’m drawn to something so unlike myself, it makes me take a step forward to figure out why.
These lovely cards by Deb at Bella Paperie are gorgeous. I think they are beautiful. I spent three hours of tape, glue and glitter with a group of people happy to have a go. In doing a craft class, you place your trust in the teacher. There’s no risk of failure because the ‘recipe’ already works. You get told what to do so you don’t need to think (much!). And most importantly – NO-ONE SEES THE ORIGINAL.
It’s nice to do something out of your comfort zone. Dive in and see why it’s never taken your fancy before. I’m still not really into the whole pink thing, but I might allow myself to like more bling. 🙂
07 Tuesday Feb 2012
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It’s Waitangi Day in NZ. It’s an interesting story if you’ve never read the history. I always know the day. I think a lot of Aussies do. I see so many similarities in the marking of the day with our Australia Day shenanigans.
There is debate and angst about the inequality of the original inhabitants and the invading people’s in the one land. A lot of distrust and long held sorrow. The Aussie government’s disgraceful delay in apologizing for the years of policy that shattered families across the land…and continues to affect them all generations later. All these things rear up again on a commemorative day. There is so much water under the bridge – with little allowance made for the fact that the bridge is a long way downstream from where it began too.
I like the Waitangi story – I love the pride in the Maori culture, I wish all Aussies had more understanding and respect of the Indigenous cultures here. There is so much we don’t know.
I can say Hello, Please, Thank you, Yes and No. I can count to 10, ask where is a hospital, a bank and a railway station. And I know one pickup line from pretty much every country I’ve travelled through, but I don’t know how to say these things in the language of the traditional owners of the land I live on…
Do you?
05 Sunday Feb 2012
I hate Sunday nights. They remind me how much time I didn’t use to get stuff done on the weekend. And by ‘stuff’, I mean the things I want to do, not have to do.
I imagine everyone else is the same – chores, cleaning, for me – house hunting… Catching up with friends is getting pushed more and more down the list as non-essential. Sunday nights are also when the headache that will be my constant companion until usually Tuesday evening begins.
And yet, I have hope. That there’s light at the end of the tunnel, my home will come, I’ll get to see people I actually like, spend more time with the family, crafting, cooking, gardening – and not fitting it in between hanging out the third and fourth loads of laundry.
I believe in the pendulum swinging…and it’s coming back to centre. It is.
05 Sunday Feb 2012
01 Wednesday Feb 2012
Twitter is full of wit, facts, discussion (some educated-some not), photos, links, sharing info, directing, sometimes misdirecting, HUGE pinches of salt, marketing ‘bote, spam ‘bots, hilarious ‘bots and the odd hooligan.
I love it. There is something cool and invigorating to send a quick 140 character ‘thanks’ to my favourite author in the whole world, and get a reply. Twitter is the awesome.
31 Tuesday Jan 2012
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breathe, calm, centre, Jedi, perspective
I’ve been thinking about perspective…
If you consider the individual parts that make up an adult life are:-
> work – the what, the where, the who (oh my goodness!), the rules, quirks and the whhyyyyyy
> home – the where and the how of living the life you choose
> people – I’m not gonna lie, I am the sanest person amongst my family and friends 🙂 and
> ‘things’ – whatcha got, what’s busted, what works and what I want
then these four areas in my life are all on the move at the moment. Not exactly teetering (not yet), just wobbling a bit.
I feel the need to fix everything – to sort situations out then and there. All gunho and doin’ the stuff. I think most adults do. In watching others deal with the odd curve ball, I try to emulate how they stay grounded and focussed – to not get wound up or beaten down.
So, I’ve begun my very own Jedi mindtrick – telling myself to breathe. Consciously, deliberately, drop my shoulders down and B R E A T H E. Maybe by the end of my 366, I’ll have figured out how to manage it without so much effort…or I’ll have lost my marbles trying.
29 Sunday Jan 2012
29 Sunday Jan 2012
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Sometimes it’s nice to grab something new and give it a go. What’s the worst that can happen?
28 Saturday Jan 2012
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Very very tired of looking for a home. It’s an effort to look, choose, schedule, and get to open houses each weekend…assuming they actually have inspections. These days it’s by appointment mostly – 10 times the work for agents and a royal pain in the whatsit for me. So many calls and emails to see if you can schedule a look through. How the hell do you sell a house if you won’t let people view it? FFS!
26 Thursday Jan 2012
Aussies aren’t the only country that bbq meat for an easier meal – but we hang our hat on the practice. We hold dear our outdoor lifestyle so fervently that we give ourselves a special day to use it.
En masse, we throw some snags, onion slices and steak on the grill, rustle up some salads and slap it all between the sides of a hamburger roll liberally smothered in tomato sauce (NB: not ketchup). We play some games in the backyard – usually scratch cricket – so that everyone, no matter the age or ability, can have a hit, run, catch or bowl. If you’re very lucky, you have a dog on your side as a ring-in fielder.
Some Aussies have a pool to cool off in, some are near the ocean, but we play, we eat, we play some more and we cool down however we can. The point is we do it together. We stop all the running around, the “have to do’s” that get in the way and we make the effort to spend the day together, talking, laughing, eating and drinking.
The Australia Day public holiday has such a different feeling to it than the Christmas holiday. Less emphasis on presents and the need to give everyone something meaningful or “good”. Less tradition to adhere to on what to eat, how to eat, how to spend the day. Australia Day is easy-going. It’s the day we spend being how we think we are. Relaxed. Connecting. Having a laugh. Enjoying the moment. No worries.
I know that this day holds historical echoes that are unpleasant and that some find upsetting because it feels unresolved and unacknowledged. Regardless of the day you get to do it, joining your loved ones together with a no fuss, no baggage, no bullshit event – just to catch up and relax – is a gift I hope you receive too.
23 Monday Jan 2012
22 Sunday Jan 2012
21 Saturday Jan 2012
20 Friday Jan 2012
20 Friday Jan 2012
Contributing to the greater good is an extraordinary gift to give yourself. How would we ever have known about someone struggling to get through school in Jordan or a woman trying to start a small business in Mali without organisations like Kiva. A very small risk for me, but a huge amount of good for someone I’ll never meet.
laurenetrim 