31 Saturday Mar 2012
26 Monday Mar 2012
Wow. Interesting day. Woke up with one intent – having agonized about the ins and outs of everything over the weekend. But when the time came, I stayed silent and held fire.
I have no idea why. I know I’m cautious by nature – overly so. I don’t start a recipe until I have all the ingredients ticked off and measured out. I don’t start a puzzle if I can’t see all the pieces. I hedged today. I can kid myself that it’s to wait and see, but I think it’s more that I’m scared of making the wrong decision.
That’s been happening a lot lately – being uncertain. I’m terrified of getting myself trapped.
I’ll have to give more thought to figuring this one out.
23 Friday Mar 2012
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Is this how the UN feels? One last effort to broker a ceasefire.
23 Friday Mar 2012
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A lot is written about that our bodies reflect physically what’s going on in our head. I agree wholeheartedly. When there are a lot of things to think through and sort out, my sleep is ruined. I wake up with headaches from grinding my teeth and its no fun to start your day with a headache.
23 Friday Mar 2012
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I’m starting to question the current reality, why I’m in the middle, what am I expected to do when no-one else is, how to fix things and whether I can fix it at all.
18 Sunday Mar 2012
Downtime. That’s what Sunday’s were invented for. I’d like to say this is what my Sunday was like today, but no. It was filled with the chores I don’t get to during the week commuting to and from work, or the hectic errand filled time that is called Saturday.
Sundays are becoming endangered. There’s a risk of it not being a day of rest, but a day of catch up with every other bloody thing that hasn’t got done. Worse still, Sundays are being spent inside my head – mulling over what happened the day before and/or planning all the stuff to do on the dreaded Monday that follows.
I need to reclaim my Sunday. Say ‘no’ to everyone and do the want to do’s, not the have to do’s. Who’s with me?
04 Sunday Mar 2012
The challenge – should I choose to accept it (and I do) – is to maintain the rage against self-absorbed crazy-makers, energy sappers, suited wankers, ditzy dipsticks, drama queens and lazy bastards.
My life, my balance, my wants, my will.
I WILL win.
04 Sunday Mar 2012
Beautiful morning.
7:00 Great walking. A bit of slipping in the mud. A careful eye on the uneven ground in front. A thud from a low hanging branch. A bit of laughing. A leach caught before it’s dastardly act. A dramatic re-enactment of it’s woeful attempt to do evil. More laughing. Silence at the waterfall. A bit of sweat and puffing on the walk back up.
8:00 Terrific start to the day.
04 Sunday Mar 2012
My time:-
– in a safe place
– with no computers
– surrounded by supportive people
– walking amongst natural beauty
– in silence
– massaged
– cooked for
– taught new things
– and reinforcing old knowledge
– relaxing
– reading
– sleeping
– balancing.
Time out for me.
04 Sunday Mar 2012
What an absolute shit of a day. For some inexplicable reason, there’s a lot of tension in the air, ‘cos everyone around me is sounding off, arcing up, pointing fingers and NOT LISTENING to each other. If they could all just shut up for 5 seconds, and think about why the person they are arguing at is saying what they’re saying, and not keep repeating what they think as if it’s not being understood, then my life would be much easier.
I hate conflict. I can talk a good fight but that doesn’t mean I like them. I don’t like hearing harsh words, I actually physically flinch when it’s around me. My body language never lies. It makes me sad to see people choose sides and not give the benefit of the doubt to each other. Prejudgement and holier than thou certainty by people who don’t actually know the facts gives me the complete irits. Who the hell do they think they are anyway?
Three different adults today have disappointed me…and I won’t forget it, but I’m going to work very hard on letting this nonsense wash over and around me. Not through me. My nerves can’t take.
25 Saturday Feb 2012
21 Tuesday Feb 2012
18 Saturday Feb 2012
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Art. Writing. Website. Music. Home. Work. Health. Cooking. Painting. Travel. Song. Craft.
14 Tuesday Feb 2012
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dream, earbuds, music, photo, technology
My earbuds save me on a daily basis. They shield me from unwanted conversations. They help me get under the loud phone conversations, deep and meaningfuls and total dross blabbed all over my bus. They help me sidestep and zigzag the slow walkers and meandering finger pointers out shopping.
They are my cloak of invisibility. My tardis to some of the best and most fantastic day dreams I have. I love my earbuds. Because they give me the one thing that helps me get through the day – music.
12 Sunday Feb 2012
12 Sunday Feb 2012
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STRESS FULL day today. God almighty. Shakes. Headaches. Crying. Pale. Fer-eeeeeek-ing out.
I had somehow committed myself to something that wasn’t right for me. I was maneuvered a little, lead a little, and definitely put on the spot to decide quickly. And boy, wasn’t my body telling me so! I was freaking out about how to put the brakes on, but nicely, you know? ‘cos you gotta not hurt anyone.
In the past I would’ve hurt me to not hurt others. Not anymore. I get the whole ‘don’t go to bed angry’ thing. There’s no way I could’ve slept! So to be able to deal with things – no matter how unpleasant, was such a relief – a massive relief to get out of that one. I know I pissed some people off. But I slept til 10am. It was the right decision in the end. And I can learn to live with people not liking me.
08 Wednesday Feb 2012
07 Tuesday Feb 2012
Sometimes I surprise myself. I am the most UN-pink, UN-girly-girl, UN-glittery woman you will ever meet. So when I’m drawn to something so unlike myself, it makes me take a step forward to figure out why.
These lovely cards by Deb at Bella Paperie are gorgeous. I think they are beautiful. I spent three hours of tape, glue and glitter with a group of people happy to have a go. In doing a craft class, you place your trust in the teacher. There’s no risk of failure because the ‘recipe’ already works. You get told what to do so you don’t need to think (much!). And most importantly – NO-ONE SEES THE ORIGINAL.
It’s nice to do something out of your comfort zone. Dive in and see why it’s never taken your fancy before. I’m still not really into the whole pink thing, but I might allow myself to like more bling. 🙂
05 Sunday Feb 2012
I hate Sunday nights. They remind me how much time I didn’t use to get stuff done on the weekend. And by ‘stuff’, I mean the things I want to do, not have to do.
I imagine everyone else is the same – chores, cleaning, for me – house hunting… Catching up with friends is getting pushed more and more down the list as non-essential. Sunday nights are also when the headache that will be my constant companion until usually Tuesday evening begins.
And yet, I have hope. That there’s light at the end of the tunnel, my home will come, I’ll get to see people I actually like, spend more time with the family, crafting, cooking, gardening – and not fitting it in between hanging out the third and fourth loads of laundry.
I believe in the pendulum swinging…and it’s coming back to centre. It is.
31 Tuesday Jan 2012
Tags
breathe, calm, centre, Jedi, perspective
I’ve been thinking about perspective…
If you consider the individual parts that make up an adult life are:-
> work – the what, the where, the who (oh my goodness!), the rules, quirks and the whhyyyyyy
> home – the where and the how of living the life you choose
> people – I’m not gonna lie, I am the sanest person amongst my family and friends 🙂 and
> ‘things’ – whatcha got, what’s busted, what works and what I want
then these four areas in my life are all on the move at the moment. Not exactly teetering (not yet), just wobbling a bit.
I feel the need to fix everything – to sort situations out then and there. All gunho and doin’ the stuff. I think most adults do. In watching others deal with the odd curve ball, I try to emulate how they stay grounded and focussed – to not get wound up or beaten down.
So, I’ve begun my very own Jedi mindtrick – telling myself to breathe. Consciously, deliberately, drop my shoulders down and B R E A T H E. Maybe by the end of my 366, I’ll have figured out how to manage it without so much effort…or I’ll have lost my marbles trying.
28 Saturday Jan 2012
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Very very tired of looking for a home. It’s an effort to look, choose, schedule, and get to open houses each weekend…assuming they actually have inspections. These days it’s by appointment mostly – 10 times the work for agents and a royal pain in the whatsit for me. So many calls and emails to see if you can schedule a look through. How the hell do you sell a house if you won’t let people view it? FFS!
23 Monday Jan 2012
22 Sunday Jan 2012
21 Saturday Jan 2012
20 Friday Jan 2012
20 Friday Jan 2012
Contributing to the greater good is an extraordinary gift to give yourself. How would we ever have known about someone struggling to get through school in Jordan or a woman trying to start a small business in Mali without organisations like Kiva. A very small risk for me, but a huge amount of good for someone I’ll never meet.
14 Saturday Jan 2012
Never do I have a nap on weekends or holidays. I read or do craft or write. Never nap.
I did when I was younger but remember fighting it. I remember feeling worse for the short lie down. I spent the time struggling to become awake, scared of sleeping too long, worried about all the things I should be doing instead.
Until today. Weird. 2 hours asleep and although I looked more tired on waking, I felt a lot better. You never know, I may even do it again tomorrow.
14 Saturday Jan 2012
laurenetrim 