It seems there’s a small window of opportunity to wind down to sleep…and I keep missing it. I’m tired. I’m not wired and my mind isn’t racing. I’ve done my journal today so all possible angst is out on the page. I’m sure I can fall asleep once my head hits the pillow and yet, I find myself poodling around the house doing I-don’t-recall-what and it’s past 2am. A third wind takes me, if you will. Why do I keep stuffing up my body clock?! Mondays hurt all the more for it. I haven’t been dreaming of late, so it can’t be fear of that. Weird. Anyway- G’Night.
How much does the inability to get to sleep suck? Heaps! It sucks heaps. It’s nearly 1:30 and I have to be up in 4 and a half hours to go to work. My mind isn’t whirring. No big to-do list being compiled as I lie here. Just me asking myself why I’m not sleeping? Stupid. Now I’m getting angry and my jaw is clenching. Teeth grinding and a headache will be the morning result. Sigh. Something is going to have to give and it will be something other than me. It’s gonna be a long week.
I think too much. Some topics go round and round my head so much I don’t remember what started it.
I am the sort of person who likes to be prepared. I plan. I plan everything. I plan what might happen. I plan what won’t happen in a million years. It’s not all bad. Sometimes I crack myself up completely. I have been busted rolling around on the floor. And I’m ok with that. I don’t mind if you think I’m nuts.
I like daydreaming. I like my imagination. I don’t mind that it gets whatcha might call “fantastical” at times. But I don’t like to worry. This I do too much. It affects my sleep. It hurts my head. It makes me grind my teeth…which also hurts my head.
So, in the name of the institution of New Years resolutions, I begin my trial of the “great written dump”. Each night I’m going to fill a page of what happened that day, maybe what might happen tomorrow, shopping lists, a knock-knock joke – whatever is rattling around my stupid noggin. I’ll put it all down and lay it to rest. I’m hoping sleep will come easier to an empty head.